A Little Of Nothing

I Am Autistic, Aren’t I?

the word “AUTISM” in colorful fridge magnets and a small rainbow magnet all stuck on a white fridge door.

Written by

Pete Little

in

I was diagnosed with autism in my late forties. The diagnosis was made a decade ago in 2016, when I was 46, after years of anxiety and depression, and after my wife and I had wondered whether autism might explain some of the things I found difficult. I have had the diagnosis for years. Every so often, though, I still find myself asking: am I actually autistic?

The question has become harder to ignore since reading about the recent arguments over “over diagnosis”. Uta Frith, one of the researchers whose work helped shape how autism is understood, now worries that the category has widened too far. Simon Baron-Cohen, whose theories have also influenced autism research, has argued that the single spectrum label can hide important differences between people. Their concerns deserve a hearing. They do not, by themselves, tell me whether my own diagnosis is right.

What My Assessment Found

My assessment report describes one appointment with a clinical psychologist, with my wife present. It records a four-hour structured interview about adult autism, questionnaires, and information from my mother about my childhood. The report says I scored in ranges associated with autism on those measures. A score is one piece of information, though; the conclusion rests on the wider history the assessment describes.

That history starts well before I had heard much about autism. As a child, I had a stammer and speech therapy. I had very few friends, if any, spent time by myself, and was bullied. I was interested in maths and physics, asked a lot of questions, and took things apart to see how they worked. My parents called me “The Professor”. I found noisy parties difficult and wanted the other children to go home.

My Mum and Dad supplied me with just about everything I might have wanted to feed my ever-voracious interests: telescopes, microscopes, electronics kits, books, encyclopedias, and my first computer. I was certainly obsessed with learning and knowledge, hence the nickname “The Professor”. But was that autism, or was I just, well, bright?

The report also describes things that continued into adulthood. I find some social situations hard to read, and I have learned to put on a persona when I need to. I can talk at length about a subject I like and miss signs that someone wants to move on. I dislike small talk and social events. Changes to plans can make me anxious, and I plan routes carefully so I know what to expect.

There are sensory details too. I’ve been sensitive to sound and clothing textures since childhood. I use headphones, dislike unexpected touch, and can become overwhelmed in crowded places. I fidget or rock when stressed. The report describes these behaviours and sensitivities as part of a wider pattern, rather than treating any one of them as proof on its own.

My wife says I rock when stressed, anxious, or excited. Somewhat amusingly, she says I rock differently when I’m stressed than when I’m excited. Apparently, if I’m stressed, I rock back and forth, but if I’m excited, I rock from side to side. She also says the amount of rocking is proportional to how strongly I’m feeling. I suspect I need a gauge above my head, with a needle on my hat pointing to an excitement or stress value! Hehe. It would certainly be useful for my wife to say, “Pete, you’re registering a 5.4 on the excitement scale!”

The psychologist concluded that my lifelong differences in social communication and interaction, alongside restricted interests, difficulty with change, and sensory needs, fitted a diagnosis of autism. The report suggests that my intelligence and the strategies I learned helped other people miss some of my difficulties. That is the clinician’s interpretation of my history. It fits some things I recognise, although I cannot rewind childhood and check every detail against a recording.

The Case For Being Wrong

It is possible for a diagnosis to be wrong or incomplete. Autism does not have a simple blood test that settles the question. Anxiety can affect social confidence, increase sensitivity, and make uncertainty hard to tolerate. I have longstanding anxiety and depression, and my report says so. Those difficulties need to be understood in their own right. They could explain some of what I experience, or they could exist alongside autism.

Some parts of my report rely on my memories and on what family members could recall. Memory is not a perfect filing cabinet. The assessment took place in one session, even though it used a structured interview and information from people who knew me. The questionnaires help describe a pattern; they do not independently prove a diagnosis. It is fair to ask how the clinician weighed anxiety and other possible explanations, and how much confidence to place in each part of the history.

I have always been anxious. I’m a nervous sort, bullied as a child, with a speech issue. I don’t like putting my “head above the parapet” and tend to disappear into the background where possible. I get emotional when I’m overly anxious. I have been in situations where I’ve found myself crying in a corner because of some offhand comment or interaction. This could all come from low self-esteem and an inferiority complex, along with my existing anxiety. Again, nothing is conclusive. It might be autism; it might be something else.

Frith’s concern is that a broader definition may blur the meaning of autism and leave people with the greatest support needs less visible. Baron-Cohen has also called for more precise subgroups, while moving away from the “extreme male brain” language associated with some of his earlier work. Other researchers and autistic clinicians have disputed the idea that later-diagnosed people are less authentically autistic. The disagreement is real; it is not a settled scientific verdict on everyone diagnosed as an adult.

What Rising Diagnosis Numbers Can Tell Us

The increase in diagnoses matters, but it does not tell me that my own assessment was mistaken. The UK government’s 2026 review says the available evidence cannot establish that autism is being over diagnosed at scale. It also warns that the growing number of assessments and diagnoses makes misdiagnosis and over diagnosis increasingly important risks to address. The review distinguishes those risks from under diagnosis, which can also leave people without recognition or support.

There’s probably a case to argue that both more instances of autism AND better diagnostic practices are at work here. I personally am not qualified to comment on if I think there’s a problem of over diagnosis!

That seems a more useful way to frame the question. Assessment should be careful. It should look at development over time, consider anxiety and other possible explanations, and explain how the evidence fits together. A rise in diagnoses is a reason to examine how services work. It is not evidence that every person diagnosed late has picked up the wrong label.

The question I am left with

There is an amusing typo at the very start of my report that gets a very important fact wrong. I was born eight weeks premature, and not, as it incorrectly suggests, eight months. It’s a bit late to ask the service to correct it and besides it’s a funny thing to point out in conversation! At one month I barely a cluster of cells but somehow still managed to survive birth! I knew I was advanced but come on! It does, however, show that even the clinicians , being human themselves, are not infallible and can make mistakes.

However that error does not erase the rest of the report: the childhood memories, the information from my family, and the adult experiences the clinician considered together.

I still wonder whether anxiety explains more than I once thought. I also recognise a pattern in the report that reaches back to childhood, long before I had a name for it. I do not have to pretend that every question has disappeared just because a professional gave me a diagnosis. For now, “I am autistic” is the best explanation I have for the evidence in front of me. The question mark still turns up now and then.

Sources and Links

These are some links I used to write this article and I include them here for your information.

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